Commentary on Sirach 6:5-17

Sirach today gives some advice on friendship. He has some wise things to say. According to the Harper-Collins Study Bible:

Friendship was an important concept in social relations during the Hellenistic period and is referred to several times in Sirach (9:10; 11:29-14:2; 22:19-26; 37:1-6). In Greek literature of the time, a friend was one who remained true in times of distress and could therefore be trusted with one’s official or private interests and affairs. Today’s reading brings to an end a section of instructions and admonitions which test one’s resolve, integrity, and capacity for making judgements in keeping with wisdom piety. (edited)

True friends are discerned, not by how much money they have, but whether they will continue to stand by one in times of difficulty and misfortune. Such friends are rare, and their value is beyond estimation.

The word ‘friend’ is one we tend to use very casually and we call people friends with whom we have only a relatively superficial acquaintance. Or we term as friends people who are useful in getting things we want. A genuine friend, with whom one can open oneself completely and in whom can have total trust, is not easy to find.

Some of the points made today are worth considering:

• Friends are won by our speaking kindly and being courteous to people. Why do some people seem to have lots of close friends and others have very few? Perhaps one of the main reasons is here. To find a friend one has first to be a friend.
• People with whom you are friendly can be many, but a close adviser and confidant will be “one in a thousand”. As we said, the word ‘friend’ can be used very loosely. It is genuine friendship that we are speaking of here.
• True friendships, which are based on genuine love, take time to develop. Mutual attraction is not enough. Hence, “…gain them through testing, and do not trust them hastily.”

Sirach gives a few examples of what we would now call ‘fair-weather’ friends:

…there are friends who are such when it suits them,
but they will not stand by you in time of trouble.

…there are friends who turn to enmity
and tell of the quarrel to your disgrace… [one thinks of bitter divorce proceedings]

…there are friends who are companions at the table,
but they will not stand by you in time of trouble.
When you are prosperous, they become your second self
and boldly command your slaves,
but if you are brought low, they turn against you
and hide themselves from you.

Sirach advises us to “Keep away from your enemies”, those who are hostile to us. But in this, we also have to remember the Gospel injunction to pray for them and be ready to forgive and be reconciled with those who have harmed us.

At the same time Sirach tells us to “be on guard with your friends”, that is, those who call themselves friends but who, in time of stress, are likely to ditch you.

Finally, Sirach speaks of the true friend, a treasure more valuable than anything money can buy:

Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter;
whoever finds one has found a treasure.
Faithful friends are beyond price;
no amount can balance their worth.
Faithful friends are life-saving medicine,
and those who fear the Lord will find them.

True friendship is based on love and, where there is love, God is inevitably present, for God is love.

Last of all, Sirach provides an astute piece of advice:

Those who fear the Lord direct their friendship aright,
for as they are, so are their neighbors also.

This last phrase may mean ‘one’s friends are as dear to one as oneself’, but it may also mean ‘one’s friend will inevitably be, like oneself, a God-fearing person’.

When we live in truth and integrity, we live in God, and we are likely to make as friends those whose lives are also based on truth and integrity. There can really be no other kind of true friend.

Probably, the greatest tragedy in life is never to have had really close and intimate friends. The sign of a true friend is the sense of emptiness that comes on permanent separation because of death or some other irreversible reason.